


Restart Button (Oumasai)

by inkytheblob



Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - Virtual Reality, Angst, Depression, Everyone Needs A Hug, Fluff and Angst, Gay, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Oma Kokichi Needs a Hug, Post-New Dangan Ronpa V3, Redemption, Second Chances, Self-Harm, Soft Boys, Suicidal Thoughts, danganronpa - Freeform, kokichi & kaito friendship, kokichi wants to be a better person, oumasai, saiouma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-20
Updated: 2020-08-09
Packaged: 2020-10-24 11:28:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 16,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20705246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inkytheblob/pseuds/inkytheblob
Summary: (DRV3 Spoilers!) Kokichi Ouma's life had ended. There wasn't a second chance, no restart button...or at least that was what he thought until he woke up once again, in a very unfamiliar place. He was alive, but unfortunately all of cosmetics he had used to cover up his abnormalities had been stripped away. Will he be able to win the others over this time around, or will he throw away his second chance himself this time.This story is inspired by aryllins (on instagram) post-game Ouma design and personality. Character design for Ouma and most of the way he acts belongs to them.





	1. He's Alive

Everything was dark.

Well, that's what you would expect to happen when you die. An empty void of nothing. The last thing Kokichi remembered was the pain of slowly being crushed, each bone crunching under the weight of the hydraulic press. Anxiety ate away at his brain with every nearing inch that cursed machine came. He didn't like small spaces.

"I hope there's an afterlife. I want to see you again." He had whispered to himself. He didn't allow himself to cry until the press was close enough that the idiot couldn't see him. Even if these were his last seconds on earth, he wasn't going to allow himself to show weakness. Although, once it sunk in that this was it, the last thing he'd ever see, he couldn't stop the wetness escaping his eyes and dampening his cheeks. He didn't even get to say goodbye to the few people that tolerated him. Oh well, they probably wouldn't miss him anyway.

This was not the way he expected to go, something flashier would've been nice. Maybe something like being blasted away to space, never to be seen again. Or one last hurrah with the DICE gang, before being shot to save his family from capture.

"I'll never betray my family!" He'd yell all cool-like, before escaping his handcuffs and running away towards the sunset. One last view of the pink and purple sky, before meeting his end with one final _bang!_ Maybe even a change of clothes would've been nice, something that wasn't the same clothes he had been forced to wear every single day. Being able to say that this wretched killing game didn't completely control his life. Momota's jacket was surprisingly soft though, but he'd never admit that to anyone.

Soft. The last thing he felt before the bone crushing. The last small bit of warmth he'd feel before an eternity of cold. It pained him that this was the end, but in a way it was satisfying to know that this would help the others survive. _Survive you idiots, or else I'll come back to haunt you! _He kept thinking to himself. 

Goodbye warmth.

Goodbye sunsets.

Goodbye Momota, I'm only saying bye to you since I like your jacket.

Goodbye DICE.

Goodbye Kiibo, and Himiko, maybe Gonta too (_although I might see you soon_), for being the only people who tolerated me enough that I'd consider you friends. Even if you all don't feel the same.

There were so many other goodbyes he wanted to give, but time was running out fast. Kokichi wasn't ready, but then again who is? The boy gave the soft jacket one last touch, wanting to be able to remember the feeling of something that wasn't agonizing pain, and gave his last goodbye.

"Goodbye Shuichi."

________________________

The one thing Kokichi Ouma was not expecting, was to wake up. Yeah, he was hoping there would be an afterlife, but it's not like he actually expected there to be one. He was scared to open his eyes, scared that the warmth he felt running through his body was a lie and everything around him would still be a sea of never ending darkness. Actually, scared was an understatement. Kokichi was terrified. As the boy started becoming more awake, he could feel things attached to him, wires maybe? A few needles? Whatever it was, it hurt.

It hurt?

No that wasn't right, he was definitely dead, there should be no more hurt. No more feeling things at all really. That's how death works...right? Suddenly there were voices. They sounded far off and quiet, but they were there. It seemed like there were two people, seemingly discussing something. Maybe churches were right, maybe he was in heaven? Nah, if god was real he'd be sent straight to hell, for many reasons. In that case maybe it was hell, that would explain the warmth he was feeling.

Kokichi's thoughts were interrupted by the sound of pressure being released around him, something was being opened. What was he in?

"Kokichi Ouma." Kokichi heard one of the voices from before speak his name. It was time to accept his fate, Satan had come to claim him. Reluctantly, the boy opened his eyes to take a glance at the world around him. He wasn't sure what he was expecting, but a man and lady standing above him in doctor jackets certainly wasn't it. Another unexpected thing was the welcoming look on both their faces. Normally anytime his name was called, it was never for something good. These people looked kind, and for some reason that made Kokichi very timid.

"Welcome back." The lady spoke with a smile. Kokichi figured she was a nurse. The boy stared at the two with bug eyes, still not completely processing what was going on. This definitely was not heaven or hell, nor did it seem like a proper afterlife. Where the heck was he? He attempted to ask that very question, but all that seemed to escape his throat was air. Panic washed over the boy when he realized he couldn't talk. A panic that the two strangers seemed to easily notice.

"You're probably wondering whats going on and where you are," _wow, spot on doc_, "First of all, you're alive, but because you've been asleep for months your voice is not used to being used. It should come back in a few days, but due to your previous...conditions, it might take a bit longer to fully heal." The man explained to the other. Kokichi was confused what they meant by previous conditions, but he figured he had other things to worry about. Like how the hell he was alive in the first place. Kokichi tried sitting up, and was assisted by the assumed nurse. The two started to remove what he could now see were IV's and some other assorted wires. The boy let out a few hisses of pain, which he was both glad and annoyed that he could feel again. It's beyond amazing to think that he is actually alive again, still able to feel things, but pain still sucked. Once everything was removed from him, the nurse inserted a new IV, that was connected to a mysterious bag with liquid in it and attached to a metal pole, into his arm.

"We'll explain everything on the way to your room hun." The nurse smiled once again. His room? What even was this place? Questions upon questions piled up in Kokichi's brain, and it frustrated him that he wasn't capable of asking them. The kind nurse slowly helped Kokichi out of the weird capsule he had previously been trapped in, then helped him balance on his feet. He didn't understand why his body was so weak, it felt like he had just woken up from a coma even though mere minutes ago Kokichi had been walking around, executing the plan to his own death. And what was that the doctor said about being asleep for months? As far as his knowledge went, he had been walking around and trying to not get killed for months. _Although I guess trying to survive was pointless when I died anyway. _

Kokichi held onto the IV drip for balance as the doctor and nurse led him away from the strange room. He hadn't gotten a chance to really observe his surroundings until he was out of the capsule, but the room he was in was actually quite big. There were 16 capsules in total, all with blacked out covers so you couldn't see inside. All of them were opened except 6. What were they for, he couldn't guess. As Kokichi's senses slowly returned, he could feel clothes on him that definitely were not his killing game clothes. The white straight jacket-like clothing he was used to wearing was restricting, the material not the most comfortable and sometimes he could feel the buckles through the white cloth. What he was currently wearing was loose, the material was nicer than his old clothes, and there were no buckles to be found. Looking down, Kokichi could assume he was wearing a hospital gown, only this hospital gown was extremely good quality. 

Speaking of hospitals, this place sure didn't seem like one. Even though the two strangers beside him looked like a doctor and nurse, plus the fact that he was wearing a hospital gown, the interior of the room looked nothing like any hospital he'd ever been to. The ceilings were high, computer monitors were spread around, with wires connecting them to every nook and cranny. The walls were mostly that endless black Kokichi had expected to wake up to, while the floors looked like a typical hospital floor. Honestly, none of this made any sense at all.

After a few minutes of being allowed to look around, the strangers started to head towards the exit, which prompted Kokichi to follow them. As they left the room and entered the connected hallway, Kokichi noticed things seemed like a mix between a hospital and laboratory, and the three of them seemed to be the only people in sight. It was then that the doctor and nurse went on to explain everything. There was a lot. Starting from how the killing game was a tv show, how all the participants had fake memories implanted in them. Apparently they had all volunteered to be a part of the killing game, and that this had been that 53rd season. Everything made sense, but also didn't at the same time. From his findings, Kokichi knew they had been recorded throughout their time in the killing game, but he didn't know that it was all a television show, which definitely made the boy feel sick. Although, the real kicker was when the two explained how the killing game world they were in was only a simulation, so no one actually died.

No one actually died. Hearing that made Kokichi stop for a second. After letting his guard down for longer than usual, he almost broke down then and there from the relief of hearing everyone was still alive. Luckily, he managed to stop himself to avoid embarrassment, then continued to walk. They went on to explain Kokichi was in the building where the participants were kept, and that the Danganronpa company would provide housing and food for as long as it was needed. Once Kokichi understood the gist of his situation, he stopped paying attention for the most part. He still needed time to process everything, and his questions would have to wait for later once he regained the ability to ask them again.

Time passed quickly as Kokichi hobbled down the empty hall. It seemed like they were the only ones around in the entire building, even though that didn't stop the boy from looking into every empty room or quiet hallway they passed. Part of him hoped to spot one of his dead friends, if they were even his friend at all. Yet things remained the same, and eventually it seemed like they were going around in loops. Maybe this really was all a lie and this was just the hell that was created for him. Forever walking the endless ghost halls, the ability to speak gone. His thoughts were paused once the three of them finally reached a pair of doors. This certainly peaked his interest, and the nurse walked ahead of them to hold the door open for the sickly looking boy. Kokichi typically hated loud and crowded areas, but seeing the new hallway bustling with people made him let out a sigh of relief. Most of the people looked like staff, and what they were doing Kokichi could never guess.

There were some problems with this new situation though. One, Kokichi is very small, and easily gets lost in crowded areas (one reason why he doesn't like them). Two at that very moment, he could barely hold himself up, let alone walk without assistance. And three, if it wasn't obvious by now, but Kokichi tends to attract misfortune quite easily. Getting lost from the two friendly strangers was almost easy, and at that point he should have known not to try and find them. Yet off he went in search of the only familiar faces in the entire building. Being on his own in an unfamiliar area was just asking for trouble, so it wasn't surprising when a particularly pissy looking adult bumped right into Kokichi. Normally he would regain his balance and threaten the unsympathetic bitch, but right now he was mute. And unfortunately very frail and weak. Kokichi didn't realize anything was wrong until he heard a scream from an unknown direction. Almost like deju vu, the last thing he felt was pain, and then everything was dark.

_______________________

It was a dream. It was definitely a dream. Once Kokichi opened his eyes again all there would be was darkness, and he'd curse himself for getting hopeful over a stupid dream. Or maybe it would be a loop, the doctors would wake him again and give him false hope that everyone Kokichi held close was alive again. If whatever was out there wanted to torture him, that sure was the best way to do it. 

_Beep...beep...beep..._

Well that crosses out the loop theory, Kokichi was sure he didn't hear beeping the first time around. This could still be a lie, even if it wasn't a loop, there could still be a hell waiting for him.

_Chirp chirp._

Birds. Kokichi heard birds. Why did it feel like he hadn't heard the calming singsong of birds in forever. Birds meant peace, meant safe. That was enough to prompt the boy's eyes open once again to observe whatever his new surroundings would be. Out of all the things Kokichi had wanted or dreaded seeing, a mess of white hair covering his eyes was not in either of those categories. Slowly, he reached a shaky hand out to touch it, then his body ,without being told to, curled the hairs around his fingers. It was habit he had developed during the killing game to deal with the stress. It was one reason Kokichi's hair was always a curly mess, he would twirl and yank at his hair so much he was surprised he wasn't bald by now.

_White. Guess it's time to dye it again..._

Wait...dye it again? Why was that the first thought that came to mind. Kokichi never remembered dying his hair. The more he thought about it, he never remembered having white hair at all. How long had it been like this? Was it like this when he got out of the capsule? Did he slip into a coma for 60 years? Or maybe...this was the fake memories thing the doctor had talked about.

Kokichi was pulled out of his thoughts when he heard a knock at the door. He wasn't sure if he was mentally prepared to deal with another human, (demon?), but it's not like he had a choice other than to sit there quietly. He couldn't exactly speak or move much. Luckily, the creature on the other side of the door walked in without waiting for permission, and Kokichi was glad to see it was the kind nurse from earlier. When Kokichi looked over at her, the nurse gave him a soft smile and walked over to the bed he was in.

"You're awake, I'm glad," She smiled and walked further into the room. Kokichi couldn't do anything other than nod. "You had quite the fall yesterday, my apologies for leaving you behind". Yesterday huh, so only a day had passed, it was good to know he wasn't an old man. Kokichi nodded again and stared at her. He still had so many questions he wasn't able to ask, and it drove him insane. It only rose more questions when the nurse held up a small needle filled with an unknown liquid.

"Your old memories from before the game, I'm sure you want them back," she pulled up a stool beside Kokichi's bed and sat down on it, "This serum will help bring back a small bit at a time, if we were to return everything back at once your brain would overload and cause unknown damage. Which is why we give these shots every few days to let your brain get used to the sudden knowledge thrown back into it." The nurse motioned for Kokichi to give her his arm in order to give him the magic needle. All this seemed sketchy, as it was pretty hard to trust the company that trapped him in the killing game in the first place. After some consideration, Kokichi figured he's died once already, what worse could they do to him?

Cautiously, he reached his arm out to the other, allowing her gentle hand to hold his arm firmly. She gave a countdown from 3, then slowly poked the other with the needle. Kokichi flinched, but held a brave face, even though he wasn't a fan of needles. After it was all done, she gave Kokichi another soft smile and reached in her pocket. The boy curiously watched her dig around until she eventually pulled out a grape sucker.

"Here." The nurse smiled and held out the gift. It dawned on Kokichi that it seemed like he was being treated like a little kid...but who was he to turn down a grape flavored anything. So he quickly snatched the treat and popped it in his mouth with a content smile. When he looked back up, the lady was already at the door. It was a bit sad that she had to leave, Kokichi enjoyed the feeling of not immediately being hated. He couldn't help the small frown that spread across his face. When she stopped, part of him hoped she was planning on staying longer, but he knew she had other business to attend to.

"Oh, while you were asleep, someone else from the game woke up," _someone else from the game? Maybe it was..._, "Momota I think his name was," _well I guess our plan failed, but at this point it doesn't really matter_. "When we explained the situation to him, he wanted to see you." This perked his interest even more than before. He wanted to ask why, but he figured that was something he'd find out once the other got here. "I'd be prepared for a visit from your friend in a few days. He seemed quite healthy, so it shouldn't take long for him to recover." Kokichi nodded, slowly getting more and more frustrated with his inability to speak. 

The nurse gave a small bow to signal her leave, then once again continued her walk out the door, only to stop for a second time once only her hand was left visible. She peaked her head into the door frame, her light brown hair bobbing a bit. "If you need anything, feel free to ask for me. From what I've seen of this seasons killing game, you didn't look like you had too great of a time. I sincerely hope you have a better experience now that you're back." With a little reassuring wink, the kind nurse was gone. She closed the door, not giving Kokichi a moment to process what she had just said to him while she was still in the room.

For quite a while, Kokichi sat there, staring at the door almost in shock. His mind screamed at him not to trust this lady, no one was ever this kind to him...it was suspicious. Then again, when was the last time he trusted someone? After brief deliberation, he decided that the answer was never. Kokichi hated putting trust into people and being disappointed, but maybe just this once he'd put just the tiniest bit of trust into this nurse. At least he trusted her not to let him starve to death, nurses are supposed to do that right? Take care of patients? So she wouldn't let him starve, but poison him with the food she brings? That's still a possibility he wouldn't forget to factor in.

Speaking of food, Kokichi was getting hungry, although that wasn't his greatest concern at the moment. The one thing on his mind since he had woken up for the second time was figuring out his hair predicament. More specifically, if and why his hair was white. In order to answer that question, Kokichi figured it was time to make the annoying struggle to get to the washroom. Luckily, taking a look around the room showed that it seemed to be a private hospital room, and Kokichi could catch a small glimpse of the mirror in the attached washroom not too far away from his bed. Even though the washroom door was close, that small distance seemed like he had just been asked to swim across the ocean with how weak he currently was. But, Kokichi was determined if it meant getting answers.

Long story short, the journey to the washroom ended up taking him 3 minutes instead of the usual 3 seconds. The boy hung onto every surface or object that could keep him upright, and still managed to just barely avoid falling at least 5 times. Once realizing he would have to make that journey back to his bed, Kokichi had to will himself not to break the bathroom mirror and stab himself with every broken glass shard he could find. But at least, he had made it at last. Holding onto the sink to keep himself from falling, Kokichi let out a shaky breath, then looked into the mirror in front of him and...

Well, he was faced with something unexpected.

The boy's hair was all white. Which yes, was very weird, but he also was already half expecting that outcome. The real shocker was the yellow eye that looked back at him. Eye, as in singular. Both eyes were still intact, which he probably would've noticed early on if they weren't, but only one was the deep purple Kokichi remembered. The other, was yellow. More questions immediately flew into the boys brain, questions that he didn't have very much time to dwell on. Suddenly, questions were replaced with images. The view of himself staring back at Kokichi in the mirror was quickly changed into clips. Clips? Videos? Images?...

_Memories._

It had to be his old memories, the ones he had been promised back. Although nothing made much sense. The old memories came in chunks, random snippets of Kokichis life. One clip of the boy staring at some poorly made pancakes. Another, him staring down at his arm, seemingly wearing a school uniform that was definitely too big, and wrapping two fingers around his wrist. The fingers connected, then continued until they couldn't wrap around it any longer, really showing off how unnaturally thin he was. What didn't help was that in every memory that Kokichi could see himself in, his hair was his normal dark purple/black, and his eyes were both the same color Kokichi was used to seeing. 

This only furthered to confuse Kokichi, until one particularly useful memory popped up. Kokichi was staring in the mirror, some white hairs peaking out and making him look old. He was dying his hair (_Oh that explained earlier_), and on the counter sat a container holding a pair of purple contact lenses. So this white haired, heterochromia eye'd, version of himself was his real self, huh.

_"Wow. I am such a freak."_ Kokichi thought to himself with a weird smile.

Then, for the third time in the past few days.

Everything was dark.


	2. I'm A Freak, I Know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now that you're here, please don't leave. I am so lonely.

It's been a few days since the incident. Luckily, the kind nurse had come back not long after Kokichi had passed out to deliver food to him. Let's just say, it was quite frightening to see the sickly looking boy collapse twice in the span of a few days. Fortunately, it seemed the cause was the sudden intake of the new memories. It had been too much of a strain on poor Kokichi, causing his brain to shut down so to speak. To the relief of the staff taking care of the boy, Kokichi managed to wake up before the day's end, and everyone was able to move on from the crisis. Things returned back to normal, well, as normal as this situation could be. Although, a new problem formed from this normality.

Kokichi was quickly becoming extremely bored.

The only thing he was allowed to do was sit in his hospital room and heal, and the boy was not a fan of sitting around and doing nothing. It was especially hard to sit still knowing his thought-to-be-dead friends, were alive and roaming around the building. He had considered on a few occasions asking the nurse if he could see someone, anyone, but then he figured the probability that none of them wanted to see him was very high. So there he sat. Doing nothing but letting his body heal and grow stronger once again. 

To keep himself busy, Kokichi tried going through his old memories in his head, re-watching them as if they were a movie. He had hoped to find something interesting or important, but all he managed to discover was that he was a coward. Kokichi found himself cringing at every action the old him did, to the point he almost wanted to forget the memories once again. While this managed to pass some time, it didn't last him long before he was back to having nothing to do. 

The only plus side to his situation was that Kokichi's voice was slowly returning. At the beginning, he had been convinced he would be mute for the rest of his life, but by now he was at the point where he could make short sentences. Mind you he was still quiet as a mouse, and his voice was extremely scratchy, but it was progress. Not only that, but he was now able to make it to the washroom by himself without stumbling every 10 seconds. Physically, Kokichi was improving at a steady pace.

Mentally, things were going a little worse. Going from an intense killing game, not knowing if each day was your last, to a peaceful and **safe** building was a shaky transition. Kokichi found himself having a very difficult time actually relaxing, despite there being absolutely no one or thing out to kill him. And while he knew nobody was going to try to poison him, the boy still remained very cautious around the food given, making sure not to eat much of it on the off case it was deadly. Kokichi still flinched at every knock to his room door, and he remained alert at every moment of the day. One time he even became so paranoid that the boy shut himself up in the bathroom for hours to protect himself from the nonexistent threat. Due to none of the hospital ward bathroom having any locks, he had blocked the door with a chair, and only came out after what felt like hours of reassurance from the kind nurse that nothing was planning to kill him. Through all the worrying, sleeping, and memory diving, Kokichi had completely forgotten about what the nurse had told him a few days prior.

That is, until there was a knock to his door that sounded completely different from all the others.

Kokichi had took it upon himself to memorize the patterns and noise levels of all the regular staff that came to check up on him. He noticed that all of the hospital staff tended to have a lighter knock, which he assumed was to not startle any of the patients. So, when out of the blue Kokichi heard a loud knock to his door with no familiar patterns, the boy immediately went on guard. Even though Kokichi was still too weak to defend himself, and too quiet to yell for help, he'd still try to put up a fight.

The boy looked around for anything he could use to defend himself, but the only thing he could find was a pen. It wasn't much, but at least it was something. The room fell deathly quiet, not a peep escaped Kokichi's mouth, and same went for the stranger at the other side of the door. In that moment, it felt like each second became an eternity. Kokichi's heart beat rapidly, waiting for whatever oncoming attack he'd have to face. The air in the room became thick, as the boy brought his weapon closer to his body, prepared to attack. It was a showdown of whatever side would make the first move, and Kokichi knew that it wasn't going to be him. That was when he heard it.

"...Um...I'm just gonna come in..."

_Oh no._

"Don't be naked or something."

_It can't be._

The room door slowly opened as tension built. Each creak of the wood forced shivers down Kokichi's back. He gripped the pen in his hands like it was his key to freedom. The boy had no idea what his expression looked like, but you could assume it wasn't pleasant. In a few seconds someone could be dead on the ground. The moment that door was open, who knows what horrors Kokichi would have to face. Kokichi began to count down the seconds in his head to what could be his doom.

3

.

.

2

.

.

1

.

.

Kaito stared at Kokichi with a confused expression and stopped dead still in the door frame. The image of a bony, frail boy sitting in his hospital bed, gripping a pen like he was about to be murdered and his face looking like he wasn't afraid to kill, was definitely not what he had expected when entering Ouma's room. It also definitely scared him more than a bit. Once recognizing the taller male, Kokichi's face morphed from murderous to tired.

"U-Um sorry, I think I have the wrong room..." Now that Kaito took a good look at the small boy's face, he concluded there was no way this was Ouma. If Ouma had white hair and a yellow eye before, he thought he would've noticed it by now. And also...that. The strange boy let out a scratchy sigh and put the pen back on his bedside table.

"No you idiot, you don't." Kokichi whispered, as that was as loud as his voice could get at the moment. Kaito, now very confused and scared of being stabbed, took a few steps into the room and closed the door. The taller boy stared at the other, observing him. It was still hard to tell if this was Ouma or not, like he knew the boy was thin, but not **this** thin. And, you know, the hair and eye thing too. Kokichi gave him a deadpanned look, easily able to tell what the other was thinking.

"Yes, I'm Ouma. I'm a freak, I know," Kokichi flopped back down on his bed, tired from getting unnecessarily stressed over nothing, "You can stop staring now". Kaito kept staring as he walked closer.

"You sure you're Ouma? Cause like I don't think he had... y'know." Kaito gestured to his head area. This earned another sigh from the smaller, only this time a bit more annoyed.

"I'm still getting used to it myself, all I remember is in the past I used cosmetics to cover it up." Kokichi shrugged, "And yes it's me, or maybe that was a lie...oh who am I kidding I'm too tired for lies." He hoped his explanation was sufficient. He was about ready to stab Momota from all his staring, (he was pretty self conscious, but wouldn't admit it). This seemed to satisfy the other, as Kaito relaxed a bit and walked all the way over to the other's bed.

"Never thought you'd be tired of lies." Kaito let out an awkward chuckle. It unnerved Kokichi how calm the other seemed to be around him.

"Yeah, neither did I..." Kokichi allowed a small smile to cross his face for only a brief second, before it was replaced with something more somber. A silence fell between the two of them as neither were used to actually having civilized conversations with the other. Kokichi absentmindedly twirled a curl of hair around his finger, hoping the uncomfortable silence would be broken.

"...Your voice, it's not completely back...why?" Almost as if he could read his mind, Kaito chimed in with a question Kokichi didn't really feel like answering.

"Don't know, doctor said because of 'prior conditions', but never explained what." It frustrated Kokichi not knowing the answer to questions he's been asked. Kaito let out a hum to acknowledge him, but seemed preoccupied with another feature of the other that was distracting him. He spotted the other's eyes trail down to his neck. "...What."

"Where'd ya get that bruise?"

"What?"

"I said, where'd ya get tha-"

"I know that," Kokichi huffed as loudly as possible and crossed his arms, "There isn't a bruise on my neck."

"Uh, ya, there is. Have you not looked in the mirror?" Kaito gave him an odd look. Kokichi had looked in the mirror...but only once. Truth be told, he didn't like looking at himself, so he purposely avoided the mirror in the bathroom whenever he needed to use it. The first time had only been an exception due to figuring out his hair situation. "Well whatever, just take a look at it next time you have the chance." The taller shrugged. 

Once again, the room became silent. Neither party knew how to continue, and neither had worked up the courage yet to ask the questions yanking at their minds. Kokichi began to become anxious. It was stupid, and he knew it was stupid, but somewhere a small voice in the back of his head kept telling himself that Momota had come there to kill him once more. It filled the smaller with guilt, the other had been oddly calm with him ever since he arrived, he hadn't lashed out, or yelled at him for creating a faulty plan. When he had heard the other wanted to see him, Kokichi figured he was angry at him, maybe for accidentally bringing Harukawa into his death plan, or maybe for making him read off such ridiculous lines to trick their friends. It could've easily been neither of those options, and instead Momota just had some pent up rage he wanted to get out. Yet, the yelling he had expected never arrived, and while he was more than happy for the peaceful interaction, it was killing Kokichi that he didn't know the others true intentions.

"My nurse told me you wanted to see me, why was that?" He couldn't hold it in any longer, he needed some answers. Kaito seemed to pause for a second, seemingly thinking about how he was going to approach the topic before he started talking (which was a first).

"I...I'm sorry, that your plan failed..." Kaito got slightly quieter once the topic of the killing game was brought up. Kokichi, who up until this point had been refusing to look at the taller male, finally turned his gaze towards him. The boy had half expected the other to say he was joking and laugh in his face for believing for a brief second that he had any sympathy for the other. Yet, when Kokichi looked up at the others face, he was surprised by the amount of guilt and seriousness that coated his expression. He was taken aback by the odd amount of emotion he was letting out around him.

"Don't beat yourself up about it...everyone is alive, so it doesn't really matter if we ended the game or not." Kokichi wasn't used to the whole 'cheering people up' thing.

"But you died."

"I did, so did you."

"I killed you..." After hearing that, it was much more clear to the boy why the other was here. Kokichi could feel his gaze unintentionally soften, which was something neither of them were used to seeing.

"Don't," Kokichi stopped him before he started oozing guilt, "I asked you to kill me for my stupid plan, don't go blaming yourself for it."

"But what was the point in you dying if I messed up the plan anyway, I can't not blame myself."

"The point is we're both still alive, and if anyone should be blamed it should be me forcing you into a plan that was doomed from the beginning!" Kokichi's eyes widened a bit as he realized his mask had slipped for a brief second, and judging by the look on Kaito's face, he wasn't the only surprised one. The smaller huffed and rolled to his other side, facing away from the other. Although, in doing so, he missed the tiny, yet noticeable, smile that was directed towards him. Things were getting way too vulnerable for Kokichi's liking, he hated being sensitive and showing emotion to others.

"You're right," wow, that was something the boy had never heard out of Momota, "Everyone's alive, so I guess I shouldn't worry about the past." Kaito could tell the other was trying his best, but if you knew Ouma, you knew mixing him and emotions usually didn't go very well. Even having a proper conversation with the boy was a struggle, but things were going surprisingly well, so Kaito didn't want to push it too much. The taller male didn't have anything else he wanted to discuss, but just as he was about to leave he heard the other peep up again.

"...have you seen the others yet?" It was near impossible to hear, but luckily Kaito managed to pick up on it

"I haven't yet," the other seemed to deflate once he heard that, curling into himself and looking more tense than he originally was. "But, I did quiz one of the nurses the moment I was able to again, and she assured me that everyone was alright and still living here under the care of the company." Upon hearing that, Kokichi seemed to relax just a sliver, and let out an almost inaudible sigh of what might've been relief. _He's pretty easy to read when he's not spouting lies 24/7._

Kokichi rolled onto his back so the other could see him better. Even though the last answer seemed to quell some of the anxiety he had, it was apparent that something was still on his mind. The boy mindlessly fidgeted around, looking like he desperately wanted to ask something but wouldn't.

"Somethin' else on you're mind?" Even though Kaito already knew there was something bugging him, he figured he might as well make the first move. This seemed to break Kokichi out of whatever anxious trance he was in, and he jumped a bit almost as if the question scared him.

"Well..." Kokichi sat up and turned his head to look at the other, "Why are you being...nice to me?" The boy hoped he hadn't been mistaking how the other was acting around him as nice instead of something else like pitying. He is a master of emotion, but only when it's something like frustration or jealousy. He could read kindness too, just not when it was directed at him. For some reason this made Kaito's face fall, and for a second Kokichi was certain he messed everything up and pissed the other off. When he took a step closer to the bed, the boy closed his eyes, expecting a punch or slap, but instead all he heard was a sigh.

"So you don't remember?"

This made Kokichi open his eyes and look up confused at the taller. Was there something he was supposed to remember? Oh god he can't even remember things properly._ I'm such a fuck up!_

"No?" Kokichi tried to keep a still face to make sure the other couldn't see his worries. Kaito gave him a sad smile.

"Our old memories, I guess it shoulda been obvious ya hadn't seen it yet or else you'd be a lot more hostile," Kaito rubbed the back of his neck nervously, and his face fell into one of disappointment. Kokichi thought the disappointment was directed towards him, but once he looked deeper he saw that it was directed towards Momota himself instead. The boy stayed quiet to allow the other to continue. 

"You've only gotten one of those memory shots, right?" Kokichi nodded, "Same, but that was all I needed to realize my old self was a serious a-hole. Or I guess I was worse than that really." This only caused the other to look even more confused.

"And this involves me how?"

"M' getting there, gimmie a sec," Kaito crossed his arms and continued, "From what I remembered, I was a serious bully to lots of people." He looked off to the side "But, mostly to you." Kokichi's eyes widened a bit.

"Huh?"

"Most of my memories are of me beating you up, honestly I didn't think they were real at first cause common, you? Not fighting back?" Kokichi wasn't sure if that was an insult or not, but he couldn't help but agree. "But I guess that's just what you used to be like, and it sickens me that that's what I used to be like." Kaito uncrossed his arms and sighed. Kokichi expected him to get all depressed, but in the typical Momota fashion, he bounced right back with a stupidly big grin. "I hate knowing how I was in the past, but at the very least it can motivate me to be a better person." Kokichi didn't understand how Momota could go from down in the dumps, to overly confident and smug in the span of a minute, but at this point he shouldn't be surprised.

"Hmm, makes sense." Kokichi hummed and shrugged. Kaito ruffled Kokichis white hair with a grin, earning an annoyed noise from the smaller. He then took a step back from the bed and held out a hand to the other.

"So, I was hoping we could start over. We have a second chance at a new life, might as well try?" He kept his hand outstretched to the other as if they would be making some sort of deal. Kokichi felt blinded by this boy's ridiculous amount of optimism, he had no clue how Saihara and Harukawa managed to put up with him all the time. Even though a part of Kokichi's mind screamed at him not to trust this person who, only a few days ago, used to hate his guts, the more he stared at the outstretched hand, the more he felt this was his only chance at a second chance. Kokichi knew better not to, he knew better than to imagine a world where he wasn't hated by everyone, but, just this once, he let himself hang onto the tiniest sliver of hope that maybe, just maybe, he could change. With that small sliver of hope, and a small pause to really think things over, Kokichi slowly reached out his hand to grasp the others.

"Might as well, but no promises that you won't bore me to death!" Kokichi tried to put energy into his taunt, but even he could tell how lackluster it came out. Kaito ignored the other's failed attempt at a tease and shook his hand. Once that new experience was over, the taller boy took a step back.

"Well, I'll leave you to your healing since you definitely still need it." Kaito grinned. Even though the two of them had fought many times, drove each other insane, and were essentially enemies, hearing the other announce his leave made Kokichi a bit sad. For the first time in days, he actually hasn't been bored, and the little human interaction he could get felt surprisingly nice. During the killing game, he had pushed everyone away and spent most of his time alone, and now it seemed like all those nights alone were finally catching up to him. The boy hadn't realized he was wearing his heart on his sleeve until Momota spoke up again.

"I'm gettin' released tomorrow to one of the company owned apartments, so I'll be able to see everyone again," He grinned. Kaito swore he could hear Ouma mumble something snarky in return, but ignored it. "Luckily, the apartments are still attached to this building, so I'll come back and let ya know how they're all doing." Kokichi's face lit up a bit, then fell once more.

"Um...do...do you think y-you could clear up our situation to them? I kinda already have a bad rep, and I doubt it'd help if they thought I'd killed you." If Momota made his appearance before he did, it'd be natural to think that he had been the one killed and whoever came next was the killer who'd been executed.

"Will do!" Kaito said confidently. Kokichi didn't understand why the other was so willing to just agree like that, but oh well.

With that, the visit with his ex-enemy had concluded. Kaito exited the room with one final wave, and even though it felt alien to him, Kokichi waved back. Almost as if he was never there, the room returned to the quiet state it had been in before, the only difference being the pen, that was now moved a bit more to the right. The usual sound of birds filtered in through the windows, along with rays of calming sunlight. Kokichi didn't understand what this feeling was that he was experiencing. For once, he didn't feel like he needed to be on guard. Like a part of him wanted to trust again. Whatever it was, it was relaxing.

_I don't deserve it._

"What the?" Kokichi shook his head to clear that weird thought away. He looked out the window to where he could see a tree branch. Perched on top were three birds, singing away. Kokichi had quickly grew to love the sound. It was something he didn't know he had missed after months of it's absence during the killing game.

Peace.

It was another thing the boy wasn't used to, but unlike the others, it was something he welcomed. Everything wasn't going terrible, and for Kokichi, that was enough. It was like talking to Momota had given him a sense of relief. The boy laid down on his bed and closed his eyes. Maybe, just maybe, he would finally be able to relax...

Hold on a minute.

Kokichi's eyes shot back open and a hand flew to his neck.

_Didn't Momota mention a bruise?_

.

.

.

.

.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kaito makes an entrance! With a second chance, the boys take a step forward to forgiving each other, and maybe, just maybe, they might make a friend along the way.


	3. Healing Takes Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Don't look at me with those pitying eyes, the whispers are painful enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While writing, I accidently wrote an entire scene with maki before remembering she hasn't escaped yet whoops :p (She'll show up soon most likely). Hope you enjoy this chapter! It's slightly longer to make up for the wait! :)

It took longer to heal than Kokichi had expected or wanted. He understood how fucked up his body had become, but a part of him didn't want to believe it. Sure enough, Momota hadn't been lying about a bruise. After their first meet up, Kokichi had pulled himself to the washroom to take a closer look at what he had meant. It was almost barely noticeable, but still very much present. A bruise wrapped itself around Kokichi's neck like it was trying to strangle him. A halo of mystery, and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't recall where it came from. The only hint was the bone chilling feeling that washed over him once he laid his eyes on it. Wherever it came from, it wasn't good. Even as the days passed, the bruise stayed like a daunting reminder of an event he couldn't remember. Although bits and pieces of his memories came back in snippets, there was still nothing that gave him important details about his previous life.

It had been a week since he and Momota had talked, something the small boy was still getting used to. Sure enough, the other had kept his promise and returned the next day to update the other on everyone's conditions. To say Kokichi was relieved to hear that the others were alright was an understatement. Even though he had heard it countless other times before from the doctors, somehow hearing it from someone who had gone through the same hell that he had made it finally feel real. If someone had told Kokichi a few weeks ago that he started looking forward to the loud knocking at his door from one particular idiot, the boy would have laughed out of the pure lie of that statement. Yet, here he was, sitting in his lonely bed all by himself, and actually enjoying the others presence. The small boy was pretty convinced it was only because Momota was the only one willing to come see him, but at the same time that same part was so grateful that he did. He had only expected the other to make good on his promise and then ditch him for good, but after Kokichi accidentally let it slip how bored he was all by himself, the other started to visit more often. At first it was only once a day, but that soon morphed into multiple times, sometimes every other hour. Momota would often bring games to play with the sickly boy, the majority of the time being chess. The small boy loved chess, and no matter how much Momota sucked at the game at hand, the taller insisted on bringing it for the other. So no, coming to enjoy, potentially anticipate, the others visits was not something Kokichi thought was possible.

Both Momota and Kokichi learned pretty quickly that the smaller was not much of a talker when he wasn't spouting ridiculous lies, so Momota kindly took on the role of filling uncomfortable gaps. He often talked about the others, how they were dealing with all the crazy changes. He also talked about the new friendships that had sprouted during everyone's time in the facility. Nobody had really expected Kaede and Amami to become such great friends, but they had also been awake the longest together, and Kokichi now knew first hand that being forced to spend that much time with someone made forgiving a lot easier. Although the opposite could be said between Tenko and Shinguji who still refused to talk, or more Tenko refused and Shinguji just didn't care. Either way, Kokichi was beyond glad to hear about the others.

Yet, even that relief couldn't shake away the pure fear Kokichi felt when he heard that he was allowed to leave. In that singular moment, he had never felt so ecstatic and petrified at the same time. As much as Kokichi had come to feel comfortable in his temporary hospital room home, he was 100% ready to get away from the same old white walls and flooring that he had been confined to for far too long. On the other side of the coin, this meant he was able to see the others, and yes, he was glad he could confirm if they were okay with his own eyes, but he was also scared at the same time. Scared the others would cast him away like a cardboard box. Scared that he had truly and completely fucked up any chance of getting to truly know everyone. Scared they'd think he's a freak. While he would never admit that to Momota, over the past few days the other had improved his Kokichi-emotion-reading skills enough to notice something was wrong. He had insisted on helping the other into his new company mandated apartment, even though Kokichi insisted he didn't need help when the room was only a minutes walk away from his current hospital hell, and in the same building just a different ward.

"Something's bugging you, what's up?"

"I never said that," Kokichi ignored the other's concern as he marched down the hall. Well, it was more of a stubborn walk than a march, as the other still wasn't 100% just yet, and still lacking a lot of his previous energy.

"Well m' saying something's up, and I'd like to know what it is." The taller male was determined to break through to the other, bit by bit. Kokichi huffed and spun around, a little bit further down than the other.

"Well maybe you're finally losing it then."

"Yesterday you said I had lost it long ago," Kaito shot back unfazed. It took a lot of adapting and a lot of patience to let go of the other's teasing and ignore him.

"Well? Was I wrong?" Kokichi crossed his arms and tapped his foot as if to tell the other to hurry up, even though they were only a few feet away from each other. Kaito also guessed it was partly due to anxiety too. No matter how strong a mask Kokichi tried to put up, it just wasn't the same as during the game. In the killing game, Kokichi crafted himself a mask of steel to protect himself, but even he himself noticed the difficulty of keeping something like that up again. He wasn't sure if it was partially due to his real personality breaking through bit by bit, or if it was caused by the off chance that the small boy didn't want to hide his emotions anymore. This was his second chance, and Kokichi was so tired.

Kaito waved off Kokichi's teasing and marched onward, the other quickly regaining his place beside him as they walked. From beside him, Kaito could hear the other whisper something that he didn't catch. He looked down at him. "Wha?"

Kokichi remained quiet for a few seconds, refusing to look over at the other. "I told you not to worry you idiot, I'm just being stupid." Hearing the other admit his stupidity nearly stopped the former astronaut in his tracks. For the great Kokichi Ouma to call himself anything other than fabulous immediately signaled something was off.

"Well now I know something is wrong."

Kaito was met with silence. Kokichi stared down at the white tiled floor like it was the most interesting thing on the planet, and the taller male couldn't remember a time during the game that the little leader had been so quiet. Well, except right before his death, and even though the other had told him not to blame himself for their death, Kaito couldn't stop the slight pang of guilt he felt. If he closed his eyes, he could still imagine the scene like he was reliving it once again. The fear he felt laying down on that hard stone slab, terrified that the other had tricked him into his death. The immediate swarm of relief once he saw the press stop just millimeters away from his face, followed by another wave of dread once it finally sunk in that he was going to have to kill one of his classmates in such a cruel way. The last minute bargaining to get him to stop this ridiculous plan. His hand on the button to start the machine. Then finally the barely noticeable sound of bones breaking peaking through the sound of the press. Kokichi probably wouldn't believe it if he had mentioned his breakdown afterwards in the exisal. It wasn't something he wanted to admit anyways.

It was apparent the other wasn't planning on answering. So it was up to Kaito to play the guessing game, and lord knows he's not too good at that. It was difficult enough to gain any amount of Kokichi's trust, but now he had to be a mind reader too. He spotted the other look up briefly as they approached the door to his new room. All the participant rooms were in rows down one long hallway like a school dormitory. One side dedicated to the girls, and the other for the boys. Kokichi's room was the very last door of the end, the only one beside it being one that was unoccupied. Through the long walk down the hallway, Kaito was surprised they hadn't ran into any of their fellow classmates (could they even be called that at this point?). The smaller stopped to unlock his door and walked inside. At that moment something Kokichi had told him resurfaced in his mind.

Oh, that's it.

"It's the others, isn't it?"

If he hadn't been paying attention, Kaito would have been met with a door to the face, but he stuck his foot out beside the door frame to keep it from closing. "You're scared of what they're gonna think of you, aren't ya." Kokichi remained silent, and Kaito assumed he could take that as a yes. The taller felt the door push harder against his foot, and it was apparent that Kokichi was trying to escape the situation as he usually does.

"Well, thanks for walking me, but I'm reeaaalllyy tired so I think it's time to hit the hay," Kokichi responded with fake happiness oozing from his pores. It was only 12 in the afternoon and didn't take a genius to see past his lie. It occurred to Kaito how easily he could force his way into the others' room and make him open up, and if this was someone like Saihara, who needed to be pushed a bit to rely on others, he would have. The smaller boy was significantly weaker, even more so in his sickly state. Yet, Kokichi was a stubborn person, and he knew that forcing the other to do anything he really didn't want to could easily damage their slowly growing friendship.

Not wanting to jeopardize his trust, Kaito let out a tired sigh and gave the other a small smile. "My room is two to the right, so if you need anything I'll be there." He reached in to ruffle the small boys hair, and just before he took his foot out, he left the other with one final message.

"They don't hate you Ouma, breakfast is from 8:00-9:30 so if you feel up to it, come join us."

The moment the other removed his foot from the door frame, Kokichi quickly shut the door. He took a deep breath and turned around to get a good look at his new temporary home. He was relieved to see that it wasn't the exact same as his room in the killing game. Team Danganronpa is cruel, but luckily it seemed not that cruel. Kokichi shuddered, imagining the horror of waking up the next morning in a room identical to the killing game and having to figure out if he was truly back or not. That would be just cruel.

The room was actually surprisingly welcoming. Like the killing game, the room consisted of a bed, a door that he assumed lead to the bathroom and a tv. Unlike the killing game with its slightly modernized style, this room was a lot less frigid and minimalist. The walls were a soft lavender with white trim along the bottom, whether that was to match Kokichi's previous color scheme or not he wasn't sure. The tv was lower down, sitting on a wooden television stand, and in front of it was a wooden coffee table and a comfortable looking couch. Near the back was a small bookshelf, and to Kokichi's surprise it was filled with books that he was actually interested in. Another thing that excited the boy was the fake fireplace at the back, which really helped give the room a welcoming feeling. Instead of the slightly unnerving wall deco's, there was a large window on one side, similar to the one in his hospital room, and that made the small boy smile. Windows are reminders that this isn't a prison.

One of the first things Kokichi noticed was that the massive monitor was no longer there. He hated that thing, always feeling like it was watching him from it's all mighty place in the upper corner of his old room. No many how many times he broke it, the monokubs would have had it fixed by noon. Not having it there any longer gave Kokichi a sense of freedom he didn't know he needed. Another thing he noticed were the small details scattered throughout the room. Kokichi didn't know if the producers knew about his small love for small succulents, but he was glad to have a few scattered here and there. It was a nice touch.

Kokichi walked over to the closet at the back and opened it, thrilled to see that his in-game clothes were nowhere to be seen. Other than his scarf for some reason, but he was glad that it was back, he missed it. He immediately grabbed it and put it on, feeling much more comfortable wearing something familiar and covering up that gross bruise. The closet had some pretty basic clothes, like t-shirts of varying colors, plus some shorts and sweatpants. Kokichi took note that all the clothing looked very comfortable, and he mentally thanked whoever put them there.

He took a moment to change into the comfortable lounge-wear and flopped onto his surprisingly comfortable bed. He relished being able to get out of the boring grey t-shirt and shorts that he had been stuck in for quite some time. It was then he noticed a stuffed white rabbit plush, and Kokichi couldn't shake the feeling he recognized it from somewhere. With all the pleasant surprises, Kokichi almost forgot about what Kaito had said to him. Almost.

"Idiot." He sighed while subconsciously hugging the rabbit. To say the others didn't hate him was the fattest lie he'd ever heard. After what happened in the game, of course they do. Even Gonta, the biggest sweetheart, has to have some sort of grudge against him after manipulating him into killing, and ultimately being killed. The boy squeezed his eyes as a flood of guilt hit him. Thinking back on all the things he did during the game only managed to fuel his own self hatred. It really made him wonder.

Why was he given this second chance?

Kokichi Ouma was the last person to deserve a second chance at life. Everyone else had some redeeming qualities, even Miu. What did he have to benefit the world? Lies? That's about it. Kokichi hated liars. The small boy rolled over to look out the window. He could see far off in the distance a collection of tall buildings. A city. Kokichi wondered how many people lived in the far off city. How many people had seen danganronpa, how many people had seen him get his friends killed? A thought entered Kokichi's mind.

How many people hated him?

__________________________

Kokichi stood outside the sturdy double doors that he had been told lead to the dining area. "This is a mistake..." He muttered to himself, still not sure what compelled him to even for a brief moment consider this a good idea. He didn't want to see the others and they don't want to see him, so it should just stay that way. It was now 8:30am, half an hour since breakfast started. Kokichi hadn't slept much the previous night, anxiety picking at his brain like a bug. He really wasn't sure how he had managed to convince himself that seeing everyone was a good idea, but mostly chalked it up to curiosity and being very hungry. Yeah, that's it. He was just there to quickly grab a plate of food, take a glance around to confirm if the others were doing alright or not with his own eyes, and then leave. There was to be no talking, no moments spared, just in and out.

The boy suddenly became very self conscious of his new look, the white hair and yellow eye really clashing with his previous aesthetic. Even the black sweats and shirt clashed with his previous white on white uniform. A finger anxiously made its way to a tuft of hair, twirling it mindlessly to help ease the fear. If this was the killing game, there's no way he'd be so scared over seeing everyone, after all he still had his lies and masks to protect him from the cruel words of the others'. Now, standing there by himself in the empty hallway, Kokichi had never felt so raw. Ever since his death, maintaining his fake persona became more and more of a pain, and without his usual fake happiness, there was nothing left to protect him.

At this point it was getting a bit ridiculous. It was an easy decision, to stay or not to stay, and the moment Kokichi heard the light laughter coming from inside his mind was made up. Today was not the day. Or so he thought, but the loud growl that sounded from his stomach when he turned around said otherwise. Kokichi let out a long tired sigh. In and out, grab food and go. The little leader turned back around and tried to put on a brave face, to hopefully at the very least convince himself that he could do it. After a few more minutes of back to back debating, Kokichi finally rested his hands on the doors. His fingers dug ever so slightly into the wood, and with one final breath, he gently pushed them open.

The smell of delicious food hit Kokichi like a ton of bricks, only serving to further worsen his hunger. It didn't take long for the boy to notice the source of the smell, a long table at the back of the room covered in a buffet of basic breakfast foods. Basic or not, it smelt delicious. The only problem now was getting past the scattered tables, which were conveniently placed directly between him and his food. The tables themselves were small squares that had 4 seats sitting at each side, and just as Kokichi feared (and also hoped), every one of his ex-classmates could be found sitting at these tables. At least the ones who had died up until now.

Kokichi froze up for just a moment, before remembering his mission. He tried to quietly sneak around the side, praying that the others were too focused on their food and conversations to notice him. Unfortunately for him, it didn't take long for the first person to notice. At first it was only a gasp, and when the leader glanced over, he immediately pinpointed Kaede as the culprit. He quickened his pace, making it to the glorious food table and stacking a plate with whatever he could find. He regretted this already.

"Is that?..." Kokichi could hear a few whispers from different people.

"He looks so..." Conversations halted, as the attention in the room ever so slowly shifted over to him. Kokichi became hyper aware of all the eyes staring at him. Every second that passed only served to heighten his ever-growing anxiety.

It was time to escape.

Kokichi finally turned around and was met with a room of silent eyes, peering at him with unknown intent. All the attention was now on him. The little leader swiftly walked back to the doors. He could feel the eyes follow him as he moved. He hated it. Every single judgmental thought about his appearance popped into his mind all at once. The ugly scars covered up by his sleeves, and the still slightly noticeable bruise hidden behind his signature scarf. His strange white hair and weirdly colored eyes. it all felt like a massive arrow pointing to his head, labeling him a freak. Every single mistake he could ever remember making all started to come back to haunt him. As he saw the door approaching, he could feel his pace quicken more and more. His steps got wider, his legs moved quicker. He needed out. Just as he reached the double doors, his pathway to freedom, he heard a voice call out to him.

"Ouma! Hey! Come sit with us!"

Kokichi froze. If everyone's attention wasn't on him yet, it sure was now. Of course that big idiot had to open his mouth and now he was trapped. Leave and seem like an even bigger asshole for ignoring the one and only person who is willing to talk to him, or stay and suffer the consequences on his mental state.

"Hey! Hello!? Yo!"

Once the other started yelling again, it was apparent he had no plans on letting him leave. Resigned to his fate, Kokichi let out a shaky breath and turned back around to once again view the sea of eyes staring at him. He immediately spotted Momota, adorning a blinding smile and waving at him like an idiot from a table near the middle of the room. Luckly he seemed to be sitting alone, but had his chair faced a different direction as if he had been talking to someone at a different table. It occurred that maybe the other had been feeling a bit lonely too with the rest of his gang still in the game. Slowly, Kokichi's legs regained the ability to move once more, as he slowly but surely crossed the room. All eyes were on him, and all the individual conversations had been replaced with hushed whispering. It took much too long to reach the table, holding his plate of food like it was his only defense against the judgemental stares burning holes into his flesh.

"Sit sit!" Kaito pat the chair next to his. Cautiously, the small boy took a seat, quietly placing his plate on the table. No matter how hungry he was, he didn't move a muscle, much too afraid to perform a single action. Kaito stared at him expectantly, seemingly waiting for the other to respond to his invitation. So he did.

"H-hey..." Oh god, he stuttered, of course he stuttered. Kokichi felt pathetic, he had never let any amount of social interaction scare him before, but at that moment, with his anxiety eating through his skin and stares burning through his flesh, the small boy had never wanted to be alone so badly. This was a mistake. Even with the very apparent tenseness in the air, that small uneasy answer was enough to make Kaito's already blindingly bright smile even brighter. He threw a friendly arm over his shoulder and ruffled his hair, an action that should've been annoying to the little leader, but was surprisingly calming. It was then that Kokichi realized this is most likely how Saihara felt every time he was in the same position. Maybe he was starting to understand the appeal of pursuing a friendship with the former astronaut.

The tension in the air only got heavier, as if a thousand questions were being asked but no words were said. Kaito encouraged Kokichi to eat, commenting on how thin he was. So he did, but even the small action of moving his fork up and down filled the boy with nerves. Kokichi started to curl into himself with every passing second. Of course, it only took one loudmouth to completely flip the entire atmosphere of the room.

"So how'd you die twink?!"

Leave it to Miu to have no filter, no matter how harsh the subject. The dead silence was immediately covered up by multiple gasps of shock and a few comments on the pure insensitivity of her words. Kokichi looked over at her in time to see Hoshi telling Miu to shut it. He was a bit glad that Kaito hadn't explained his death, but at the same time resented him for putting him in this situation. He could tell that while the others criticized Miu for asking the question, they too were curious for an answer. The room once again fell silent, everyone waiting for Kokichi to break the pin-drop quiet with his response. The small boy wasn't completely sure what gave it away, the horrified look on his face, the high speed shaking, or all of the above, but Kaito seemed to get the hint that Kokichi wasn't exactly comfortable sharing his story. "Hey guys why dampen the mood? Ouma was just released so let's all welcom-"

"Momota it's ok, really." Kokichi whispered just loud enough for the other to hear, interrupting the forced cheer radiating from him. Kaito gave him a worried look, easily able to tell that it was clearly not ok. "...You can tell them, but I...I just can't be here right now..." The smaller looked up at the other, trying his best to convey that he was not ready to talk about it just yet. Luckily, Kaito caught on, sending back a silent nod of reassurance. That was all Kokichi needed, and with that he left. Leaving behind his tray, he quickly exited the room. Food wasn't that big of a priority anyways.

Kokichi knew he wouldn't be able to handle it. The pitying looks from some, and the resentful looks from others. Not everyone would care enough to feel sympathy for him, that was something he realized long ago. It was easier this way, Kaito could explain it, deal with the whole "oh poor you" treatment, and within a few days the event will be forgotten. He got what he needed, visual reassurance that everyone was ok, there was no need to spend any second longer with the others than that. Kokichi mentally prepared himself for his upcoming recluse from society on the way back to his room. He was so close to freedom he could almost taste it. His pace quickened, his gaze lowered, and his lack of awareness increased. A deadly combination for someone as accident prone as Kokichi Ouma.

_Thwump_. Kokichi stumbled backwards as he ran into an unfamiliar figure. Of course, even a mere meter or two away from his room, the boy was getting himself into trouble. As embarrassing as it was to admit, Kokichi was not as strong or stable as he used to be, and unfortunately, that was all it took to knock the other down. _Ah crap_. Maybe this was karma for ditching his only friend back there, he would never know. The weak boy braced for impact, letting out a yelp that he would never admit to doing later on. A count down to his utter doom and embarrassment appeared in his brain. 10...9...8...

The figure quickly reached out to grab the weak boys hand, pulling him back up to safety. Kokichi blinked, slightly rattled from the experience. He took a deep breath to calm down, managing to find mild relief. "Jeez Ouma you scared me." A huffed voice brought the others attention back to his savior, now able to take a moment figuring out who it was. The first thing he noticed was his hair, so white that it was matching his own. Pale skin that looked soft instead of hard. Bright blue eyes that looked natural instead of robotic. A thin frame that contrasted his previous bulky one. Kokichi remarked the voice that had spoken to him. Gentle, yet filled with emotion, and hey wait a minute-

"...Kiibo?"


	4. Dreams and Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At the end you're all alone. That is the fate of a liar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW slurs and bullying.

"...Kiibo?"

Kokichi stared at the boy in front of him. Familiar, yet not at the same time. No longer was he clunky and metallic, and the small boy thought maybe this was some sort of prank on him. Seeing the other dressed in clothes was a little off putting itself. Yeah, underneath that enormous light blue hoodie had to be some wires or metal plates. Something! Yet, he had human hands and arms, even in the certain visible areas Kokichi could swear he could see the outline of bone. The robot even seemed a bit taller than before, something Kokichi wouldn't admit to being jealous of. If anything, it felt like he had gotten a bit smaller himself...

"Kokichi," Kiibo spoke the others name as if nothing had changed since they last spoke. When in fact, things had changed, a **lot** of things had changed.

"Y-you...are you...?"

"Human? It seems so." Kiibo responded quickly to save Kokichi from his stumbling. Hearing it straight from his mouth somehow made the whole situation even weirder than before. Nor did it help stop his ogling. Kiibo rubbed the back of his head awkwardly, becoming a bit uncomfortable with the staring. "It seems I was always human, to say its been a ride getting used to this since I woke up is an understatement."

"That's..." Kokichi was silent for a moment, but once the initial shock wore off he was able to continue. "Kiibo that's...that's amazing, I'm really happy for you." Remembering how desperately the other had craved to be human during the game, the shorter boy really did feel happy for his now human friend.

Kiibo, on the other hand, was taken aback by the sudden compliment. He was quite familiar with the little leader, and was fairly certain compliments were never his go to. "Thanks," the former robot smiled brightly. Even if it was weird hearing truths come from the others mouth, Kiibo decided if there was any chance to encourage him to lie less he'd take it. Kokichi on the other hand had an oddly solemn expression on his face. Kiibo could tell something was wrong. "It seems I'm not the only one who has changed," The taller boy gestured to his new additions. Kokichi guessed he should be grateful for the subdued reaction as compared to the usual harsh looks he'd been met with up until now.

"Right, yeah, I'm actually over one hundred years old and that's...that's why..." Even Kokichi recognized that his lie was too terribly unbelievable to continue. Quickly an uncomfortable silence washed over the two. While the smaller boy was no stranger to silence, that didn't mean he enjoyed it.

"...I was about to head to the cafeteria to meet the others, would you like to come with me?"

Kokichi froze up at the mention of the cafeteria. Fortunately, the silence was broken. Unfortunately, it was broken in the worst way possible. His eyes widened ever so slightly and he seemed to curl into himself. At first it was hard for Kiibo to place what emotion the other was conveying until it hit him. It was something he had never seen on the other. Kokichi was afraid. Something was most definitely wrong. "I-I'll pass..." The smaller boy mumbled. Seeing him so timid was jarring.

"Alright..." Kiibo wrung his hands behind his back, "Then I must get going, but hopefully I will see you later." At that, Kokichi could only respond with a nod, before continuing the trek back to his only safe space. Being reminded of why he'd left in the first place only served to heighten his anxiety. Kiibo didn't know, he didn't understand. There's no way he'd ever be able to understand because the others love him. He'd walk straight through those too heavy wooden doors, with his flesh and bones, and everyone would welcome him. Instead of suffocating glares, the other would be met with open arms. Big smiles and warm welcomes. He wouldn't understand and it would be for the best that he never did. 

"Wait!"

Kokichi hadn't realized he'd started walking away until he heard one final call from the former robot. He swiftly stopped, planting his feet as to not start running away. Un-moving, and yet mind racing a mile a minute. He tried sending an unbothered look over his shoulder, but it was inevitable that his panic would seep through.

"Tetsuya," The other waited till he had Kokichis attention to continue. "K1-B0 was only a fake robotic name they gave to me. My real name Is Tetsuya Idabashi." Kiibo (Tetsuya?) turned back around, "But you can still call me Kiibo, it's the only name I remember being called. It is more of my real name then Tetsuya will ever be." 

And with that, he was gone. 

Kokichi watched Kiibo (final decision), leave. It occurred to him that the former robot had it much worse than the rest of them. Being a robot was all he could remember. While the others had a faked talent, Kiibo had a faked identity. Being forced to deal with discrimination for something he's not. Having to readjust to social cues, complex emotions, hell even eating. Kokichi really did pity him. He'd talk to him about it.

Although that would have to be saved for a different time. Vowing to bring it up with him later, Kokichi hurried down the hall and back to his room. With everyone at breakfast, he luckily had no further run ins. The small boy didn't even realize he had been holding his breath until he slammed his door closed, sinking down to the floor and gasping for air.

Everything was too much. He was overwhelmed and it was too much. The stress and anxiety. The paranoia, it was all driving him insane. Kokichi never thought he'd long for something from the killing game, but without his old walls he could feel himself crumbling. The handcrafted mask had been snatched away from Kokichi, leaving him vulnerable. As if he were out in a snowstorm without a jacket, cold and afraid. There was no guide book, no map back home, and he was lost. So so lost.

Lost and alone. The miserable fate of a liar.

_______________________________

_"Hey faggot!"_

_"I-I'm not-" The boy cut himself off when a strong arm laid across his shoulder. He froze, his whole body tensing up. This was a familiar situation, and the boy hated it. One day, he'd like to go just one day. One day of freedom. Who was he kidding, someone like him wasn't allowed freedom. He was lifes punching bag and nothing more._

_"Huh? You're not what? Not a fag?!" The loud voice shook the boys brain around his skull. The hand that went to ruffle his hair was just a little too forceful. The arm that wrapped around his neck was worse. "That's a fucking lie! I saw you with **r̶̹̘͓̬̥̻̍̇͋e̸̡͕̤͐̿̅̈́̇̑ͅd̵̢̜̩̥̯̿̈͜ä̷̰̲̗́c̶̪͙͇͎̎̉̏̏t̸̡̧͍̚ę̵̹̩̝̆̇̿̕ͅd̶̝͓͉͍̎́̚͜**"_

_"N-No that was- that wasn't!-" _

_A cry ripped out of his throat as the hand on his head clenched his hair roughly. He could feel the his hair being ripped out and his scalp bleed._

_"P-Please sto-"_

_The wind was knocked out of him as he was shoved against the brick wall beside them._

_"You know how fucking much I hate liars"_

_His ice cold voice sent panic through the boys body, and the punch that followed sent pain._

_"Stop!"_

_His cries fell on deaf ears._

_"Please!"_

_The knee to his middle would've sent the contents of his stomach onto the sidewalk, had anything been in there._

_"Nasty fucking faggot!"_

_"Let me- s-stop!"_

_His tears burned the cuts and bruises lining his cheeks._

_"Stop!"_

_"Help!"_

_"S-Someone!"_

_ **"H̵̨̗̤̺͔͈̪̩͇̱͚́̏̇̈́͜E̴͚̝͌̒̔̕ͅL̵̢͇̬͉̮͔̬̩̰̦͓͉̖̈́̚̕͜Ṕ̶̡̛̗̣͔̠̙̫͛̓̽͐̉̾̈́͘!"** _

_No one came._

_________________________

Kokichi hadn't realize he'd passed out until the knock at his door woke him up. His back ached from his awkward position against the door. Crumpled on the floor, he'd barely made it two steps into his room before the stress overwhelmed him. He was a mess.

Another knock sent Kokichi falling forward, the sound jarring his tired brain. The small boy was stressed, sleep-deprived, and ready to crawl into a hole and die. Although, his train of thought was interrupted once a voice called out to him. "Ouma awake?"

Oh no.

Oh no  
oh no  
oh no  
oh no  
oh no  
oh no  
oh no  
oh no  
oh no  
oh no  
oh no.

That deep, yet friendly voice, Kokichi knew it well. Yet, he dreaded hearing it again. It was too soon for this conversation. Kokichi wasn't mentally prepared, he didn't think he ever would be. He couldn't do this, not now, not ever. Dragging himself to his feet, Kokichi stumbled his way forward. Unfortunately, his tired brain only allowed him to move so far, before tripping over his feet and sending him to the floor. A loud _thud_ rung out through the room, all hope of escaping the inevitable confrontation gone. Slipping through his fingers like sand, as he desperately tried to get it back.

"Ouma!? Gonta coming in!" 

Kokichis breath quickened, his pulse racing and his heart beating against his chest. He had to get away, he couldn't do it. A way to escape, there had to be a way. The boy crawled across the ground, a terribly pitiful attempt at escape. Kokichi didn't get far before the door swung open and a pair of strong arms picked him off the ground. "Is Ouma alright?! Gonta heard strange noise through the door!" Gonta looked the small boy up and down, checking for any injuries. 

"I'm fine big guy..." Kokichi's voice came out way too timid and he hated it. He hated everything about this situation. After a few seconds of consideration, Gonta gently placed him back down on his feet. The door was there, just in reach. A 5 second sprint and the little leader could rid himself of this agonizing conversation. Yet, something kept him there, kept him planted to the ground. Un-moving and trapped. There was a moment of awkward silence, Kokichi not sure why Gonta was here, and the taller boy contemplating his next move. While it only lasted a few seconds, to the little leader it felt like an eternity.

"Ouma...not fine," Gonta stated, no questioning tone to his voice. A frown crossed his face as he looked down at Kokichi, the strange amount of worry making the small boy shrink back.

"Gonta, I didn't fall that hard, I'm **fine**." Kokichi really just wanted this conversation to end. He took a step back, needing some distance between the two. Being in the same room was suffocating enough. Gonta wasn't satisfied with that answer. He shook his head.

"No, Ouma is not fine, Ouma is hurting."

"I told you I'm fi-"

Gonta placed a finger against Kokichis forehead, quickly silencing the boy. For the briefest second, he thought maybe, just maybe, the other was here to kill him. It wouldn't take much effort, he was frail enough that a simple fall down the stairs could easily wipe him out. Kokichi felt sick that the idea crossed his mind, even for a second. 

"Not physically. Ouma is hurting in here." 

Kokichis breath stopped. His fists clenched tightly, and his body tensed. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair that one single sentence could shake him so severely. Could hit him like a punch in the gut. Tear down his pathetic excuse of a mask. It wasn't fair when his walls were ripped down so forcibly, and without permission. There was nothing left to guard him, no walls no mask, no persona to hide behind. It wasn't fair that the boy had been left with nothing. Stripped of his defenses and sent to war. It wasn't fair, no it wasn't fair at all, and that made him angry. Teeth grit, hands shaking, head downcast and face grim. So so angry.

"Ouma are-"

"Why the fuck do you even care!?" 

A yell ripped out of Kokichi's throat. It hurt, but these days what didn't. Everything hurt, his skin crawled and bones ached. His mind rocked back and forth, a ship in a storm just waiting to tip. Kokichi deserved the hurt, this is what happens when you're the villain. Villains lose, heroes win, villains pay the price. Villains get thrown in jail, get tied to a post in city square and ridiculed. That's the price of losing, and villains always lose. So then why the hell was Gonta so persistent? He was the villain, he deserved anger. Yelling and fighting and words that shook him to the core. Villains don't deserve kindness.

"Ouma-"

"You should be **angry**! You should yell at me! Yell at me goddammit, it's what I deserve isn't it!? Throw me across the room, bash my skull against the door, drown me in the sink, something!"

His voice broke more and more with every passing word.

"Ouma stop-"

"Ouma this, Ouma that. For fucks sake what don't you get?! **I KILLED YOU**! I manipulated you and sent you to your death! All wrapped in a goddamn bow for the grim reaper! **ME**. Not Miu, not Tsumugi. It's my faul-"

_Slap._

All the sound in the room was drained, leaving room for one crisp slap. Just like before, the two fell into silence. A dull, dry, torturous silence. A red mark made it's way onto Kokichi's cheek. Ah, this was what he wanted wasn't it. The stinging left a reminder that this was wanted. Welcomed. He'd asked, and he'd received. Now, all Kokichi could do was wait, and brace for another blow.

"Stop."

Yet, nothing came.

"Gonta didn't want to hurt you, but you leave Gonta no choice." There was no anger in the boys voice. Not even a sliver. "Gon-...**I'm** sorry."

Voice broken and weak, all Kokichi could mutter was a simple, "No." It just wasn't fair. "You're not...you can't...I-I took everything from you, I-I..."

Gentle arms wrapped around the trembling boy. Kokichi hadn't noticed when he'd started shaking, but it seemed to be the only thing he could do nowadays. The arms pulled him close, head meeting chest. It was an odd thing to hear, a heartbeat. One belonging to another was even odder. _Bu-bump, bu-bump_. It was a soothing sound, and yet a constant reminder of ones mortality. Today you're alive, as much as you might dread it, your heart reminds you. Today, right now at this very second, you're alive. Tomorrow you might wake up dead, but today you're alive. Now deal with it. Stomp your foot down and live.

"Gonta forgives you."

Kokichi shook his head.

"Why?"

A broken boy, asking questions in the dark, trying to find the light.

"Because we're friends, and that's what friends do."

With that, the dam broke. Tears flowed out the small boys eyes like a river. Dripping down his face, soaking into any surface that would accept it. Small hands gripped the taller boys shirt. Grasping at the fabric as if it was his only anchor to this world. Like letting go would cause him to wake up. Wake in a world where this wasn't real, where he was moments away from the press claiming his life. Kokichi didn't want to wake up, he wanted to believe that somewhere out there, in this vast unforgiving world, someone cared

Cries echoed throughout the room. Agonizing and tortured, held in for far too long. Gonta knew Kokichi needed this, and so he would wait. Wait for the screams to fade. For the tears to dry and his voice turn hoarse. He'd wait for the little hands grasping at his shirt to loosen, and the shaking to calm. And when Kokichi falls asleep, he would tuck him into bed, he'd leave the room with soft footsteps and close the door with soft hands. He would let the boy sleep, and even after that, he'd wait. Once Kokichi was ready, he would come to him to talk, but until then Gonta would wait.

_______________________________

Something was wrong. Gonta knew he wasn't the most intelligent out of the bunch, but even he could tell when something wasn't right. Watching Kokichi sit down beside Kaito at breakfast, back straight, posture stiff, and eyes filled to the brim with paranoia. Watching him run from the room like it'd swallow him whole, it was obvious the small boy wasn't fairing too well. In reality no one was completely alright, but Ouma seemed much worse. Gonta was his friend, they'd hung out and he'd carry the shorter on his shoulders. Parading around without a care in the world. Sometimes, if he were lucky, he could pull a truth out of the little liar. So, he knew, without a doubt, that the other needed help.

"...You can tell them, but I...I just can't be here right now..."

His final words before he ran out. Kaito complied with his request. It was strange, seeing those two so friendly. Gonta easily recalled the boys being at each others throats during the game. Both personalities vastly different, causing major conflict. The entomologist could feel the questions piling up as they all witnessed the astronaut call him over to sit. Then watching Kaito act so compliant only served to worsen their confusion.

In the end, Kaito explained everything. He'd made it clear beforehand that he had been the killer. It was the first thing the astronaut had said the day he'd finally rejoined everyone, (why he wanted to clear it up so quickly Gonta wasn't sure). What they didn't know were the details. The self sacrifice, the agreement between the two, it sounded excruciatingly painful. Kokichi really had played the villain until the very end, even allowing himself to be hated after death. It sounded horrible. Kokichi was never the villain in Gonta's eyes, afterall what villain (with a blatant fear of bugs) would help him round his beetles back into their boxes after they escaped. Or apologize after accidentally pulling his hair while riding around on Gonta's shoulders. Kokichi wasn't a villain, even if he'd put on a pretty convincing performance, he was nothing but an actor.

Just how lonely had Kokichi let himself become?

Those were his thoughts as Gonta left the room. After the explanation, most of the others had swarmed the astronaut, questioning his sudden change of opinion on the little leader. Gonta, on the other hand, had plans. He needed to see Kokichi right away. He knew there was no way to completely understand what the other was going through, but that would never deter Gonta from helping out a friend. Right now, if there was anyone who needed help, it was Kokichi.

The yelling and shouting he'd been met with was expected. The entomologist wasn't happy to hear how hard the liar had been on himself. Taking the blame for his death ever since the trial, it made Gonta feel sick. Gonta had made his decision, it was no ones fault but his. Yet, even after everything, he couldn't bring himself to feel angry. As much as Kokichi begged, the entomologist couldn't get mad at him.

"Gonta forgives you."

Even as his shirt dampened and the cries increased. Even as the screams hurt his ears and the boys small, fragile, trembling frame hurt his heart. Not a single fiber of his being was angry. Gonta made a silent promise to be there for his friend. No matter what happened, he would be there, no matter if Kokichi needed a shoulder to lean on or a chest to cry on. 

And well, if Kokichi didn't want to talk to him, then he would wait. 

_________________________________

.

.

.

Everything was dark.

It was strange, he was alive, he had survived. Yet, why was it dark? 

The school was gone, blown to pieces. They'd survived the wreckage, and they were free. God how long had it been since he'd felt that way. Freedom, away from this nightmare school, away from the memories of new friendships and final resting places. They'd ended this godforsaken killing game, for good this time. They'd avenged their dearly departed friends. He hoped that he honored the dead from the past by finally putting the killing game to rest. 

The hole in the dome shone brightly, congratulating them on making it out. It shone with hope, a hope for a better future. The three of them stood there, staring on rubble and ashes, and stared. The light truly was beautiful. They stayed there staring, taking it all in. Taking a moment to truly process what was happening. Then, once satisfied, they marched forward. For their friends, for those who'd survived and those who'd died, they continued on. It wasn't going to be easy, guilt and sorrow still dragging them down. Still clawing at their throats and eating through their stomachs, but for everyone, they'd survive. They would continue, and they would survive, and no matter what, they'd never forget.

Then, everything was dark.

Where did they go. Himiko never liked the dark, he had to find her. Maki could survive just fine on her own, but that didn't stop the worry from gnawing at his brain. Something was wrong, nothing made sense. Where was he? Where were the others?....Where was that noise coming from?...

_*Beep, beep, beep*_

"Shuichi Saihara, welcome back."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone: You promised us oumasai wheres Shuichi??  
Me: haha Gonta go brr brr


End file.
